Almost Complete

Hey there readers, well I just wanted to let everyone know I am now not going to be on here as much, it will probably be once a week or less. I am planning my wedding, doing finals, moving, all that super stuff. Thanks for reading so far and please continue to, I will be on, just not a whole lot because classes are wrapping up and I am have so much on my plate. Thanks again though and please continue to read whn I have postings.

 

Writing Info

Okay, so I was browsing on the internet, and anyway I found this really cool website. It’s for writers, people like me. Anyway, if you are trying to improve your writing and what not, this is a great site to just go and take a look at. It is writing help for all different kinds of writing. It’s not just one type of writing, but ALL types. Nonfiction, to screenwriting, poetry, all of it. So I thought I would post this here just hopefully to get some people’s attention. So click here and take a look at it and browse around.

 

We Have The House

Okay, so I am really really excited!!!! Ahhhhhh. So my fiance and I got the house that we have been working so hard on getting. It has literally taken a couple of months, but we got it and tomorrow will are going to start moving, it makes me so happy and excited. I can barely contain it.

Tonight we even went out there to drop some things off and I kept just getting really really excited. So, I just felt like sharing that because of the fact that I am really really excited. Now I will actually go and write a post that I should be writing and not this.

 

Picture Time!

 

Hey!

Hey there everyone, so I just thought you know, I kind-of feel like entering a journal entry, and then I might make another post that is more of just some pictures I took. So it snowed today…sadly, but on the upside I am finally a homeowner. Yes, my fiance and I closed on the house we have been working so hard to get, and we are planning to move this weekend. I am so excited. Oh, and this is off topic, but I just wanted to let everyone know, the poems on my site, they are mine, I know they sound kind-of cheesy, but they are poems I wrote when I was a lot lot younger, and I was going through them the other day and thought you know, I think I want to post them. That way if I ever lose the printed copies I have them online. Just because. 

So I hope everyone else is doing good out there, and hopefully viewing my site, it would be nice. Still haven’t gotten any comments, but I think I have discovered that this is more of a reading kind of blog, not a commenting one. At least that is what classmates have told me lately. Anyway, hope you all have a spectacular night, and I will write again tomorrow.

 

A Writer’s Dream

A writer does not want money, or popularity;
For that would not be a writer’s dream.
A writer’s dream would not be big;
As a matter of fact, it is very small.
A writer does not want a hall of fame or even a board game!
That is definitely not a writer’s dream.
A writer’s dream would be very simple;
As you may be able to see. . . .
For a writer’s dream is just to be able to write,
About great new heights or even parasites!
Though it may be gross or even provoked;
It is still a writer’s dream;
To write would be their dream. . . .
So next time you come across a writer;
Make sure he or she has a pen and paper;
To write you a fairy tale.
For a fairy tale is only the beginning of a writer’s dream. . .

 

Your Candle

There is one candle of love and courage,
Its the candle in the hearts of you and me.
The only way to see it, is to share it.
The love we share is like one flame.
The flame is part of one candle, and it tells
of love and sacrifice
Your flame is my strength and my courage.
I can’t survive without your light burning in my heart
Its the light of hope and laughter,
And it lasts everafter
Everyone who sees it believes in it.
You’re the candle that cares for me,
Cause your candle protects me with all the above
I love you mom

 

Quick Note

Okay, I realize the last blog I published was very long, but it is an essay that I knew I would someday write, and I have finally done it. It is all true That is my life, well a piece of it. I would greatly appreciate it if I could get feedback on it too, because if there is a way I could make it sound better or rewrite parts, that would just be great. Thank you.

 

Grown Up

Let’s Talk!

Ok, so I have been thinking about a lot of stuff lately, and a lot of stuff in my life has been going on all at once, so I just decided you know, it was time to write about it. I have come to terms with the fact that I grew up faster than most people would. I had to do this because of different things I have had to deal with in my life that all started my senior year in high school. All of it though caused me to grow up that year. I don’t regret any of it though, and if I had to choose to do it again or take another path, I wouldn’t change a thing.  So, here it is, I’m grown up.

 

Grown Up

 

Most people don’t grow up as fast as I had to, hell, I didn’t even expect to grow up as fast as I had to. Out of a family of four kids, I was the wild one that was always getting into trouble, course I guess being the youngest I suppose that is probably the norm, in mine it was. It wasn’t like big trouble or anything like that, it was just you know, curfew, smarting off, stuff like that. However, I was a daddy’s girl. And I knew with him all I had to do was smile and I’d get off scott free. It was pretty good. 

My senior came and I was excited. My last year of high school and then I’d be heading off to college. I was gonna love it, I mean I was going to be done with school and then go to college to start my own life (this included partying along the way). I was also ready to get out of Montana and go back to Minnesota. So, for the first semester of school everything was perfect.

I was getting good grades, had a boyfriend, I pretty much had everything going great. I even got talked into going to prom, the first and only prom I would go to. Little did I know, after that night, my life would do a 180 and I would be changed forever. The night of prom went smoothly. Got ready, had pictures taken, my parents were going to dress as pirates (that was the theme) and help out at the after prom party. It was perfect. And, to make the night even more perfect I was prom queen. I never expected that especially because I hated the school so much and spoke my mind, even to the point of probably being offensive at times. Don’t get me wrong, it was if I really stood for something and someone wouldn’t listen or my biggest thing was some people put others down, I’d tell them to shut up basically. I guess somehow that gets you prom queen. 

I had never seen my dad so proud of me either. He was crying when I got my tiara. It was truly the perfect night. To bad a perfect night doesn’t last forever. Two days later my dad went in for a doctors appointment, he came out diagnosed with terminal prostate bone cancer. Everything changed. 

I finished school and he didn’t seem sick. He still worked, relaxed, was a dad. He took care of me. The only difference was the pills he had to take and all the doctors appointments he had to go to. It was nonstop. That summer was the same way too. When August rolled around I went to college in Bemidji, Minnesota. My parents took me there and I cried when they drove off. Daddy’s little girl was on her own for the first time in your life. I’ll admit too, it was scary. But I met the right kids, and for some reason I didn’t do any partying. I think it had to do with the fact I wanted my dad to believe me when I’d go home and say I never partied, or got drunk, hell, I didn’t even drink.

I ended up joining Students Today Leaders Forever and went on a spring break trip where I did nothing but volunteer work over my break. It was honestly one of the best times of my life to. But what made it better was how proud my parents were of me. They told me they had never been so proud of me and they knew now that they had raised me right and that they knew I would be okay on my own. The summer after my first year of college came around and dad was doing fine. My mom said he was starting to get sick from the medicine but not really badly. So I stayed in Bemidji and worked as an RA for the Upward Bound program. I loved the job.

Working with kids was something I had always enjoyed, and actually being able to help them for a summer job made life even better. I also got hired as a PAA in Maple Hall for the upcoming schoolyear. When Upward Bound was over, I had enough time to make the ten hour drive home to see my folks. My dad was sicker, and now he wasn’t working because of it. He was also in a wheelchair. I spent my trip home taking my dad to hospitals all over the state of Montana for cancer treatments. It was hard, but I never cried in front of him, because I felt if I did that, then it would make him weaker. 

I would pray and ask for it to be me that was sick instead of him. He and my mom were suppose to live together for a much longer time. I wanted it to be me instead. Afterall I had had a tumor once before, why was I spared and he not? It was hard, and I knew it was beginning to cause a change in me. It really caused a changed when my dad would say he wanted to give up. I would yell at him in order to motivate him. I told him he wasn’t dead yet and to stop acting like it. I’d make him go outside, and I’d make him talk, even if he didn’t want to. I didn’t want to give up. I wasn’t ready to.

When I offered my parents for me to drop out of school and stay home they said absolutely not. They didn’t work their asses off for me to drop out of college after one year. So, I went back to Bemidji. The day I moved into the dorms was about a week before school started because I had training. The very first night I was in the dorms, and after I had just unpacked everything, I recieved a phone call. It was my mom, and she was crying. I thought my dad died.

“Beth, I am so sorry, but I need you to do smething, because you’re our last hope right now.”

“Mom, what is it?”

“I need you to drop out of school. I have a brain tumor and have to start treatments now to. I can’t drive and we need someone to help us out. Please.” I had never heard my mom so desperate before. I started to cry and said I’d be home the next day. My dad got on the phone and he was crying. He felt he had failed me. I tucked away my sobs and told him he could never fail me, and I was honored to be the one to come home. I had made my parents promise me earlier that if they ever needed one of the four of us to come home it would be me. Rob and Joe had families, and Amy was almost done with college. They upheld their end, I upheld mine. I went home.

I stored all of my stuff in the Maple Hall basement and left the next day for Montana. When I got home my dad was in bed. He couldn’t get out of bed anymore, he couldn’t even go to the bathroom by himself. It was to the point that he was so miserable that all he wanted was for it to be over. My mom was going to start treatments in a week. Exactly one week went by and on August 27th, 2006, at 5pm, my dad died in the Scobey hospital after a year long battle with cancer. He was buried in the Flaxville cemetary two days later. I left a blue rose on his grave with a note where I promised to take care of my mom, and I wouldn’t disappoint him. And, that he would never be forgotten. He never was either.

I stayed out of school for the entire fall semester. I ended up working as a waitress and helped my mom. I drove her to doctors appointments, got an apartment in Bemidji set up for her because it was decided after her treatments she would move to Bemidji with me, helped my sister move, and drained my savings to pay bills. I argued with insurance companies and with people in general to take care of my mom. But, she pulled through.

After her treatments we moved to Bemidji, and I was going to go back to school. But, it wasn’t the same and I didn’t realize that until I got back to the dorms. I felt like an outsider. I didn’t belong with anyone, not even my old friends. I tried to do things I had done when I was there before, and I couldn’t. I almost transferred to my sisters college just so I could start over, but I didnt. I was tired of moving. I still didn’t even own a bed. I had been sleeping on a couch, fouton, or the floor for half a year now. I finally realized after that semester back that some things had changed, and it meant that I needed to change also. 

I had actually already changed, but it was time to accept the changes. I could never fit in with everyone on campus again. I was only nineteen when my dad died, and began to take the role of being a full time adult. When I went back to college I realized I didn’t know how to be a kid again. That part of me went away and I knew I wouldn’t get it back. 

So, I moved off campus into an apartment. I went to classes then just immediately left campus afterwards and began work. I even started to work full time cause it was all I knew. I didn’t know how to be a kid or a even a young college student anymore. 

My friends didn’t know how to even hang out with me anymore, nor me hang out with them. It got to the point that it was just so awkward that I just all around quit hanging out with everyone. There was one friend I hung out with, and that was cause she had gone through the same thing. She lost her dad a couple of months after I lost mine. We knew what the other felt. We became best-friends and are still that to this day. 

Another big change took place to. I met someone, and I knew right away that this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He became my rock and my fortress. I will be married at the age of 21, and you know, I don’t regret any of it. I may have grown up faster than most, but I think in the process I gained something. I gained strength, and courage. I also know how to take care of myself now to. And, the best part of all, there are no regrets.

 

 

The Giver: A Response

Okay, so I have still been reading The Giver by Lowis Lowry, yes I am, I did not stop reading it, although it may seem like it. I am almost done with it too. To be honest I am actually surprised with the book as well. I have to say that it is one of the most interesting books that I have ever read, and I am enjoying it. I was thinking of describing it to everyone who reads this blog, but then I thought, you know I shouldn’t do that because it is such a good book that I don’t want to ruin it by telling everyone what it is all about and what not. 

So if anyone wants to read a book, but is not sure what book to read, I would highly recommend this book. Go read the back cover or a description of it, its an amazing story. Check it out.